Goodbye.

I've never been very good at saying the right thing or even knowing what to say in sad or awkward situations. But a lot of you knew Shelley through Totally Tangled, this blog, or through Wingdoodle. When I asked for Zentangles for her - I couldn't believe how many of you responded. So, you deserve to know that Shelley passed away this morning.

I saw her last on Thanksgiving. I felt guilty when I learned that she was back in the hospital and I hadn't known. I keep getting distracted by... myself. :-( I was also reluctant to visit a hospital - they terrify me. But my mother and I spent a few hours chatting with her and then ate our Thanksgiving Dinner in the hospital cafeteria. She was very swollen from chemo and drugs and I had to stifle my shock when I saw her. But she was still Shelley and she made jokes and was her usual optimistic self. She related, with some pride, the "episode" she'd had the night before which involved her heart and a lot of chaos. I had been worried about what we could talk about, but she was eager to hear stories about the store and my soap opera tales of divorce. I was shocked at one point, that we were actually having fun!

When she talked about her plans to take classes and how she wanted to go to Art & Soul this spring to help me teach - I almost burst into tears. The only thing that seemed to disappoint Shelley about her situation was that the hospital wouldn't let her go home for Thanksgiving. As we left, my mom said that Shelley was in heart failure, and denial. I argued that being positive is not the same as denial. I couldn't argue the heart failure.

She didn't get to go home. But I did hear from a friend that on her good days, Shelley was teaching the nurses and patients how to create Zentangles!!

I can't quite get my head around the fact that she is gone. Just not HERE anymore. I'm glad she is in the book. That sounds so stupid, I know. But Shelley was like a big sister to me - she even scolded me sometimes! She never thought of herself as an artist, but took to Zentangle like a fiend. She pushed me to teach classes... she pushed me into a lot of things! But when she saw her tangles and her artwork in Totally Tangled, she said she'd never expected to be published. That was a knock to the side of the head. Have you ever had a hand in making someone else's dream come true? It's a confidence booster, sure, but it's also extremely humbling.

I  had been thinking of doing a little book, like AlphaTangle, called Tangles for Shelley, with the art that you all sent in. The profits would go to buy Zentangle supplies to use at the hospital. But it seems a little... pointless now that she is gone. I have to do something. That's just my way. But maybe doing a little workbook that the hospitals could actually use with patients...? I have to think on it. But I do welcome input and ideas. I know you all have experience with cancers, hospitals, loss - and recovery too. It is easy to forget when you are steeping in it - that life isn't always about loss.

I DO know that Shelley would have liked to have an art party in her honor. She wouldn't want everyone sitting in pews crying over her. She'd want people making things (Zentangles!) and eating fantastically delicious food and... lots of laughter. Hmmm...

Read more and see some photos here and here.

Zentangle Addict Holiday Gift - On SALE

The perfect gift for the Zentangle Addict! My sneakers are on sale for $69 (regularly $79) this week only at www.zazzle.com. Be sure to check the Zazzle specials, as they change everyday (like free shipping!)

Zentangle Zendala Sneaker by BumbleBat
More Sneakers Shoes

Zentangle Hi-Top Sneakers by BumbleBat
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Bells Ringing?

After a major accomplishment, life change or even a spectacular failure... doesn't it seem like there should be bells ringing? Or at least a little chime? I get a "bing" for just receiving new email. Seems like there should be something to signal a major completion. I really wanted to write something about finishing the book... but I still have some editing to complete. I wanted to write about finishing my divorce - the papers are all signed and he moved out his stuff this weekend. And other things too. But it is hard to know when something is truly finished.

I just spent three days at my dad's in Massachusetts with my kids, so that my ex could move out all his stuff. I brought the kids to his house, just now, and drove home. I passed four deer watching me from the creepy forest with glowing eyes. Came home to a house that was freezing cold and partially empty. Not completely empty. Just sections. Weird. My impulse to cry warred with my determination to put an "exciting opportunity" spin on the whole thing. These are now my walls. I could repaint! I could move furniture.... (I don't have time!?) I kept saying..."Ok, that's done now. He's out. Finished. On to the next thing." Then I saw the lists of all the stuff he had taken... and all the marks to indicate items he had NOT taken. Meaning... he's coming back for more. It's not done yet. I guess that explains why I didn't hear any bell, right?

It just occurred to me that I had written "Came home to a house that was freezing cold..." and my hands really ARE freezing. So I looked at the thermostat and it says "57", but is set to "67". That's NOT good. It's like when you take your car in for a check up - and ten things break the next day.

If my life were a movie... there would be some music playing... a theme song? Then I'd scream and run off to Tuscany and buy an old villa. In reality... Oh - there's a bell!.... just the phone. It's the heating guy telling me that the he put ten gallons in the tank last night and it shouldn't have run out already. What?! Does he think I DRANK it or something?! I haven't even been home. "I guess you want me to drive out there again?" No, let's let the pipes freeze so this drama is complete. Egads - I am becoming a silent sarcastic. Turns out, the house was freezing cold yesterday too. While my ex was moving his stuff. He finally noticed at night and called my mother who called the heating people. She was here til after midnight because it was a Saturday night and the repair guy had to come from an hour away - at extra cost. The oil had run out. But I have a contract. No explanation. And the pressure in the furnace was at explosion level... so it was a GOOD thing the oil ran out. So he repaired it. At extra cost. And now, I guess, we will repeat the process tonight. What I really want to do (besides running away to Tuscany) is curl up with popcorn, cocoa and the Roku (sulk a little) and escape my own head.
 My darling mother just came over to help me sulk. As I read her that last line, she says, "But you couldn't make popcorn anyway. Microwave is gone. And no cocoa. Teapot is gone." Thanks mom. The couch is gone too, but the Roku is still here...

I could not think of a word to sum up my feelings today. Other than AAAAAAARGH!

Reader Question - Chambray

I recently received an email from Lydia that read:

"I have a question about a couple of your drawings in your book Totally Tangled.  The one on page 34 in the lower right corner and the one on page 47 lower right corner.  Could you email me the directions on how to do these two or put the illustrations on your website?  I have looked at these two and really like the way they look.  They are very different as though they have fabric just laying on them.  Thank you and I really have enjoyed looking at your book and designs."

I didn't even have to look in the book to see what she was talking about. "Fabric" was the giveaway - that's Sandra Strait's work she's talking about! So I asked Sandra to comment on her designs. Here are her instructions for creating her amazing fabric look:

There are two parts to creating a tangle that looks like fabric.  Chambray isn't meant to exist on its own.  It should have another tangle design overlaid on it.

The secret to drawing Chambray is in the shading.  Look at step 3, how the fold line is in the center of the pencil shading.  This represents the deepest part of the fold.  With a stump or finger, smooth the pencil shading on one side, smoothing to the side, not up or down.  Then go to the other side, smoothing in the other direction.  Be sure to leave a clean area in the center, which then becomes the highlight at the top of each fold.

Now you have this lovely fabric, and want to add a design.  Choose simple tangles.  With folded cloth, there is distortion of design.  If your overlay tangle is too complex, you will lose control of it.  Work from the corners inward so that you follow the curve of each square.  Accept some distortion, because your squares will not be exact. 

Note that with Striping, I simply darkened the shading and kept the highlight. 

After you overlay the design, if you feel you have lost the up and down of the folds, re-shade along the fold lines from step 2.  But smooth lightly.  You don't want to lose the highlights.

 If you have other questions related to the book, I'd love to know how I can help. But also take a look at the Resources section in the back - most of the artists have an email address listed so you can ask them directly about their work.

New Zentangle Book!

This is my apron in the book! Yeah!

No, it's not THE new book - that I'm working on at this VERY moment... but I do have work in it. This is Suzanne McNeill's "Zentangle Fabric Arts - Quilting, Embroidery". Take a look at her blog for images from the book. There's also info on the Design Originals website.
Now, back to work!

Chew it Up and Spit it Out

I survived Halloween. I actually LOVE Halloween. But this one was also my 19th wedding anniversary AND the last day of my marriage. Now I get alimony checks and have to get my husband's name removed from all the utility bills. Ex-husband. That's going to take a while to get used to saying! One of my blog readers called him my "was-band"!
ANYWAY!

In honor of the occasion (all of them)... I carved this pumpkin. My son said it was "brilliant" and looked like Jack had EATEN another pumpkin. Smirk.

And since I promised not to disappear, even though I am on the last leg of this book... hmmm... that just doesn't sound right? Well, here is a photo collage of my studio where I am working on the book:

Where'd She go? Again.

Yes, I got "Squam-ed" and then disappeared. Sorry about that, but I do have a good excuse and a note from my mom. My excuse: I have been simultaneously getting divorced AND writing the sequel to Totally Tangled.
I don't recommend trying this at home. It leads to lack of sleep, chemical imbalances, bad skin, weight gain and general chaos and insanity. And that's just from the book. Don't even get me started on the divorce!

I had gone looking for a book about how to get divorced, you know, something like The Idiot's Guide to Divorce. But, no, I never found one that actually made sense. I did, however, get a lot of really good (and lots of bad) advice from friends. The two most useful things I learned are: 1. Get a lawyer.  And 2. There is no such thing as a "friendly divorce." I mean what are you thinking?! If you could argue about the kids, money, schedules, and keeping promises... in a "friendly" way... you wouldn't be getting divorced would you!? Ah well. I did just recently find an excellent book, that sums it all up, called Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog. It's by Lisa Scottoline of mystery book fame. Her name on the cover is actually what attracted me to the book rather than the title. It's a collection of essays she wrote for newspapers and magazines about her life - including ex-husbands (she calls them "Thing One and Thing Two"), Spanx, mothers, daughters, the King Tut exhibit, and lots of insights about dogs. They are all wickedly funny and many make you think (ouch). In case you are wondering, I am vaguely considering getting a dog (although I am allergic to them). I am NOT considering getting a second husband - I think I am allergic to them too. If anyone has a good recommendation for a dog, please let me know. I don't like dogs that make me sneeze, drool, are scary, can eat my kids, or should have been a cat. If there are any others, PLEASE let me in on the secret.

As for the second excuse, "I was writing a book." - that one has been almost as stressful, but much more pleasant and exciting too. This is one of those stressors that is on your bucket list, but gets turned into a "to-do" list item because of all the other crap that pushes it over there. Do you know what I mean?
At the beginning of the summer, I was so overwhelmed by all the "doors" that were opening around me, that I contacted a creativity coach, who I had worked with in the past. I emailed Judith Godfrey and said "Help! All my dreams are coming true!" It's like my Irish grandfather always said "Be careful what you wish for, you may get it." And isn't that secretly one of our greatest fears? I often find that I will shoot myself in the foot rather than find out what would happen if my idea became a success. So this whole year has been a series of pushing my limits to see what might happen if I actually say "Yes!" to the things I have always wanted. This is really scary stuff and impossible to plan for. If a door opened, in the past I would say "I don't have time" or "I don't know how to do that" or some other excuse, and just walk past. I have been daring myself to at least look through the doors now, if not take a step through. But what I am finding is an entirely NEW hallway filled with doors behind EACH of those opening doors. Can you imagine the excitement... and the horror? If you follow this analogy, you can see how easy it is to get lost and overwhelmed. The divorce may seem like a sudden and shocking thing to many of you. But in reality, it is just anther door that I have been tiptoeing past for years. And writing books? I joined SCBWI (Society of Childrens Book Writers and Illustrators) when I was 15 years old - back when they were still "SCBW" no "I" yet. I sent my picture books out to dozens of editors for years and years before I gave up. I think I was just wandering around the wrong hallway.

So, this second book started out as one thing, then Suzanne asked me to put it on hold and write a sequel to Totally Tangled... and last night, as I was desperately trying to lay out the pages... I realized, crud! It's not all going to fit into 52 pages! I have amazing work from a ton of different Zentangle artists and the last thing I wanted was to cut anything they had done. So I started cutting all the stuff that I had drawn. My projects, my ideas... at midnight I threw some stuff across the room and stomped out of the studio. You see where some of the stress comes into play here? Abundance can be very stressful! The book is technically due at the end of the month, and my husband had the kids for the past five days, so I have done nothing but work on this book. Today I take over mommy duties again, and I have two weeks left til book deadline (and the divorce changes take effect too) and I feel like a wild animal caught in the headlights. Have I mentioned I'm not good with last minute things? I went to bed completely panicked.

This morning, I jumped out of bed with the horrible realization that what I actually had was... TWO BOOKS! That's a good thing, right? An overabundance of material that can become two separate books is a good thing. It's a good thing! It's good.... good.... good...