Resized and Recapped

Now that I am home, I went through the blog posts from the Adventure and resized and replaced the collaged photos. I do all my posts on my iPhone and I think it automatically resizes everything for an iphone screen. No matter, they look better now. AND I added in a few video clips! (Another thing I can't do on my iPhone in the Blogger App). To make it easy for you - if you want to take a new look - here is a list with links:

The Western Adventure Begins
Western Adventure Day 2
Riding the Rails
Train Day
Out on the Rim
Below the Rim
Goodbye Canyon, Dust Roads
Still Tripping

And here is the link to the previous post I wrote about depression and suicide
Another Sad Goodbye

Thanks for coming along on the Adventure with us!

Still Tripping

Are we there yet?

In yesterday's post, did I make the cosmic error of saying the adventure was over? Perhaps I tempted fate by stating we just had a few flights and then we'd be home?

Sigh. 

The Flagstaff airport is so small, there is only one flight arriving or leaving every few hours.  Ours was meant to leave at around 10:30am and I wasn't really worried when they announced the flight coming in from Phoenix would be a little late due to the weather. We had a generous half hour to get to our second flight, to Philly. In a different terminal. Ok. I was worried. 

Then... They announced the flight was cancelled and the flight returned to Phoenix because of a low "ceiling". Uh-oh. 

We were told to line up again to reschedule our flights. We heard all sorts of bits of terrible conversations while waiting. For an hour. Flights had been cancelled last night too. All flights were overbooked. There would be similar rainy conditions tomorrow. The next flight with space was after 9pm tonight...

We inched closer to the ticket desk. Only 5 more people in front of us...

Wait? What just happened?! Where'd the ticket agents go?!!!

A flight had made it in through the "weather" and turns out the two ticket agents also do all the boarding and preflight stuff. So we waited some more...

(Lilah drew pages and pages in her journal - I will have to scan them in when I get home and post them. I was so impressed with the characters she created and their Bios). 

When we finally got to the counter we were told we could try to get on the 9:15pm flight which, after two transfers, might get in to Manchester, NH by dawn. Maybe. Or we could come back tomorrow morning and try again. And because the cancellation was due to weather, the airline was not responsible for our hotel costs. 

Instead of screaming, I asked the agent, "I hope you do kickboxing or something to help relieve the stress?"  She looked up and smiled and said, "some days are easy. Some days are like today."

Ok then. I decided that we would find another way to get to Phoenix and asked her to find us new flights to Philly and Manchester. Finding flights with four seats on the same plane was hard, but she did it. We'll have to get up at 5am tomorrow... 

And then I started to search for hotel rooms at the Phoenix airport - on my iPhone. And how to get there?!

My mom noticed a bumblebee logo on a lady's tee shirt and realized it was an ad for a taxi service. She said she could take her fare to their hotel, then come back for us. 

We were having a picnic on the floor an hour later and she patiently waited for us to eat. She not only took us the 2.5 hour drive to Phoenix, she chatted happily with all of us the entire way, and wasn't phased at all at the huge quantity of chocolate muffin crumbs dispensed by Lilah over the backseat or the way her foot kept accidentally triggering the automatic windows...

If you are ever in the Flagstaff area and need a driver (busybeetaxis.com)...

And the "bee" theme!!!? Couldn't have suited us more! She let Lilah hold her bee mascot. 

So we missed all our flights and all that.. But we got to have a yummy lunch (we'd have gone without food for 8 hours if we'd made out flight). We met a very nice lady and made it to Phoenix safely. We saw beautiful landscapes we'd have missed up on the plane. We each have our own bed tonight - no one is on the floor or a rollaway. Free wifi - we finished watching the third Season of Legends of Korra. And the little mermaid was thrilled to find an outdoor pool!

We had gone from 60 degrees and pouring in Flagstaff to a tropical 94 degrees in Phoenix. 

The pool was like bath water!

We were both quite wrinkly by the time we got back to our rooms. When I got out of the shower, Alex had Lilah quizzing  him with definitions for his English homework. "Apostrophe..."  It's like a magic spell the way he controls her... Ahem... convinces her... That what he is doing is interesting. 

She has also been grilling me about the book I am reading, "The Lost" by Sarah Beth Durst. I am a genius mom! I discovered that she will let me read in peace - no- she forces me to read - so that I will tell her what is happening in the book! It's not appropriate for a seven year old to read, but the retelling works great. 

I first learned about this author from my Bancroft School Alumni Newsletter. That first book was "Into the Wild". Modern spin on fairy tales. She has a ton of books now and this one has me spellbound. It also happens to take place in this region, where I am also "trapped" right along with the main character. 

I am looking forward to the long flight tomorrow so I can finish the book!

Goodbye Canyon, Dust Roads

I have only one photo to show you today... Mainly as proof that we are in Flagstaff.

It is pouring rain. And thundering. And lightning. It was a good day to leave the Grand Canyon. The trails all close when there is lightning. 

We have the perfect room, finally. It's a Hampton Inn Suite with a kitchen (which we don't need now), two separate rooms, a sofa bed and a rollaway. Lilah squealed with delight and shrieked "I don't have to sleep on the floor!?" But, ironically, at this very moment, she is having trouble falling asleep!!

For all the whining and complaining... It turned out she slept very well on the floor right next to my bed. 

This hotel also has a pool! I have been using that as the ultimate reward. "If I have to tell you to stop poking Alex again, you will never see the pool!" Whoa. That worked really well!

The child has always been a mermaid and a water bender. Even in the womb she swam back and forth until she was completely tangled in the cord. I think this ordinary pool was her highlight of the whole trip. :-)

Lilah drew these ladies in my journal during lunch. 

So - except for a maze of flights that will take us 12 hours to get home tomorrow - our adventure is pretty much at an end. It feels like it went by so quickly. And with all the shuttle rides and upcoming flights, I will have too much time to think again. 

On the shuttle today, I was thinking about Robin Williams. I couldn't get much internet at the canyon, so I was behind on the news. I was thinking more about Depression and my own experiences with it. I wrote a long post about it a few years ago, but I can't add the link from my iPhone. 

For a long time, it looked like my depression was brought on by radiation which led to a damaged immune system which led to getting Mono, which is often associated with Depression. I went through all the standard treatments, including every anti-depressant ever made. Nothing ever helped. And I had the added curses of being a gifted kid, over-sensitive to medication and other things, OCD-ish, prone to anxiety, and a perfectionist. Quite a messy combo. But doctors really only focus on their own specialty and depression got top billing. It was the most serious. Looking back, I see that my depression was a symptom, not the actual illness and all the other, ignored, parts played a huge role. 

The biggest part of the curse was in the doctors' diagnosis that I was a "walking depressive". Which basically means, I was a total mess... but I was very, very good at hiding it. On the outside, I appeared to be doing everything I was supposed to be doing. Everything. 

I could write a whole book on this subject, but what I was actually thinking about on the shuttle today was about how we have no way of knowing what is under the shell that society insists we wear. 

By writing books, I try to share what I have learned, my experiences, with others. In many ways this has helped me meet a lot of people, break through my introversion, and find common ground. In other ways, it forms a bigger barrier. People think I am "famous" and on a pedestal. Or that I should be perfect. I am far... Far... from perfect. I keep making huge mistakes and messing up. But I expect that of myself and other people. I don't see the point in doing things the easy way. The irony here is that - when I started expecting these glitches and making room for them - my depression went away (along with my perfectionism). 

The year that I decided to end my marriage (the ultimate admission of failure in my own rule book), I also had to close my creativity store, lost three friends who I had considered to be my closest friends, and had to completely reinvent my life and my finances. All really good fodder for some serious Prozac bingeing. 

But, no. I wrote three books instead. And I find great pleasure in writing on my blog. That saying about - if you can't be a good example, be a bad example, or some such... I can always say to myself "well, that sucked, but I can write about it on my blog!"

Although I have kept the depression at bay for many years now, I do still occasionally get bursts of panic attacks.  There are actually only two... subjects... that seem to trigger these attacks. And I am only just recently noticing the relationship between the anxiety and the fact that I feel that I am not allowed to write or talk about my feelings on these subjects. 

For the past week, while on our adventure, there have been high and low points, as expected. But I have been so busy having my mind blown that I haven't thought about those "subjects". I also haven't thought much about anything back at home or work or the future or the past. Just keep moving. 

My anxiety seems to stem from a very small handful of people. Most stress inducing events do not cause the attacks - even giving a talk in front of 112 people at TangleU didn't trigger a panic attack. If I feel like I have options, even options that might be mistakes, I'm ok. But other peoples' insanity, that really has nothing to do with me or my choices, that pushes me off the cliff. 

Going back home feels like hanging myself back up as target practice. I just want to scream "This is not MY problem to solve! You are not MY problem! I have my own life and it is not any of your concern what I choose to do!"

....

Ahh... See? There is something very refreshing and freeing about self expression! 

As far as thinking about Robin Williams, I have two things to offer...

If you have a friend who suffers from depression, don't try to advise or fix them. Just let them know that you are there for them no matter what, and just listen. 

If you suffer from depression, find someone who will listen. It might not feel like it - but know that there is always someone and there is always something that can help - not just drugs and therapy! There are lots of unorthodox  things - like flipping your entire life or changing your diet - that are more work, but more satisfying than suicide. Puts a new spin on "thinking outside the box"?

Bad pun, I know, but laughing at myself is what keeps me sane. :-)

Below the Rim

Lilah and I decided to venture down the Bright Angel Trail for a bit this morning. My mom stayed at the top. 

Although the trail was booby trapped with mule poop (this is the main supply trail for the Phantom Ranch hotel in the canyon), the biggest danger to safe footing is... Stupid tourists. 

Why would anyone bring an infant to the Grand Canyon, never mind try to negotiate a stroller down a steep rocky incline with a sheer drop of a mile? (That's a rhetorical question). 

Lilah and I walked for a while until the path narrowed and I started feeling rather dizzy. I reminded her, we had to actually climb back UP!

I do ok with the hiking and even the climb is fine, it's the heights that bother me. I think I would actually enjoy hiking farther in if I didn't constantly feel like I might tumble over the side at any moment. 

I love that sign! It looks like the picto-person is doing parkour! Maybe it should say "No Parkour in Park"?

Here are two very pretty shots of some of the trails we did NOT travel down...

The views from the South Rim are beautiful, but even if you only go a short way below the rim, the views are even more stunning. 

We have seen some great wildlife. The squirrels, deer, and lizards have no fear of people. 

And back at Hopi House, we saw an amazing Hoop Dance. Lilah and I were really impressed as we have both been trying to learn hooping - with just one hoop! 

 

I noticed this strange and unusual plant near our lodge...

Yes, all those parts are on one plant?! I think I will call it Audrey 2.

One of the nice things about staying at the park is the Lodges. We are part of Maswick Lodge - which has a food court, pizza pub, and gift shop, but you sleep in smaller buildings with around four rooms each. The buildings are scattered around the pine forest with cactii and deer for atmosphere. There are free buses that will take you all over the park. Everyone is very friendly and the tourists AND employees are from all over the world. 

Out on the Rim

We took an older style train to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. It took about 2.5 hours to go 65 miles. 

I can't remember if I had mentioned that this trip was my mom's idea as a way to celebrate her 75th birthday. This photo is a nice momento to sum it up. 

The train ride went pretty quickly since there was a lot to look at out the window and we had entertainment inside as well.

Clarence Clearwater performed for us - all different kinds of music from many parts of the world. I have to look up his website when I get home. He said he has an interesting interview on NPR too. 

I sketched him while he sang, and recorded one of his jokes, and then got him to autograph my drawing!

Our train tour guide told us the story behind the short telegraph/phone poles we see everywhere. They were sized to be reached for repair work, by a cowboy standing on his horse. 

I loved the mental image, and was inspired to draw this cartoon...

Sorry. I can't draw horses!?

So - the Grand Canyon - whoa!

It looked so unreal. No, I mean it, unreal. Like a painted backdrop. It all changed dramatically as the light and clouds moved. I felt so dizzy whenever I ventured near the edges. And I felt sick when Lilah hung on the railings. I liked looking out at the far distance. 

We had a tour around a section of the rim and learned lots of interesting things. We were taught to scratch and sniff the Ponderosa pines. Mmmm... Vanilla!

We looked out for deer and Saguaro cactus and fast little blue jay-type birds. 

We learned a bit about the mules that carry everything to the bottom of the canyon. Female horse combined with male donkey. (I think that was what he said). 

The brown mule, above, has a bow and arrow tattoo on its bum!

Later in the evening, Mom, Lilah and I headed out to explore the Rim Trail and the Village. The best-est part was outside  Hopi House, with Lilah happily playing in the dirt, as we listened to Carlos Nakai perform on many different kinds of flutes. The haunting music floated over the canyon, and the sun sank slowly. 

Train Day

An entire day spent in a moving metal box with the people you love the most. Priceless. 

Actually, it's both a blessing and a curse. Especially when the introverted traits start clashing. But then there are heartwarming moments - like Alex playing Minecraft with Lilah for two hours.  Ahhhh... Touching. 

There was plenty of time for doodling today.

Here is my breakfast table sketch...

And lunch...

Fat Kitty insisted on a full color portrait and he was very good at staying still. 

We had a few stops today where we could go out and "breathe in the atmosphere." Unfortunately, it smelled like cigarette smoke and exhaust, but it was nice to use the bathroom when the train wasn't moving. 

When the train was moving, there was always something gorgeous to see... Clouds, fields, buffalo, horses, rock formations...

And the sunset this evening... Wow. 

My map is whacked out of scale! We covered a lot of ground today. Just now, we are leaving the Flagstaff station.

 Our final destination tonight is Williams, AZ at around 11pm. Poor Lilah crashed on the couch and I'll have to wake her in about 15 minutes. 

Last shot... Amazing red full moon rose over the desert!

Update: a first for me - the Williams Junction train "station" is a block of cement in the middle of nowhere. I felt very grateful indeed to see the van waiting to bring us to the hotel!  As soon as the train pulled away, the entire area was plunged into darkness. We drove a mile and a half over a washboard lane to get back to civilization. It was actually a lot like still being on the train. 

Riding the Rails

Today we did nothing - it seemed - but stand in line and wait. Compared to yesterday - where we never stopped moving and stuffed our heads with information - today was infinitely more exhausting. 

Some days, burying your head in a drawer really is the best option. 

Cool pattern on the rug, though, eh?

And the ceilings had amazing patterns. And the lobby rugs. And lamps. 

Anyway - we checked out of the Palmer House Hotel and had an adventure finding a locker at Union Station to stow our suitcases in. (Did you know they use fingerprints instead of keys now?!) We figured two hours would be plenty... Then we walked back to the Willis Tower (formerly known as the Sears Tower) to see the views from the SkyDeck.

I wish we had skipped the experience. It sucked. Well, the view is probably astounding, but getting there is not half the fun. We waited in lines for a down elevator, to get through security, to buy tickets, to go through a hallway, to wait to get in to a theatre... Each room got successively darker. The kids lost their patience. All the kids in the room lost their patience...  When I realized we were no closer to getting on the Up elevator and that our two hour locker rental was almost up... I lost my patience. We backtracked through the maze and fled the building. The bustling city felt wide open and we sucked in the bright, fresh air! We now had a whole new perspective on the city and we didn't even need to see it from above. 

Waiting to board the train seemed like a piece of cake in comparison. And it was with mixed emotions that we watched the tower fade into the distance.

  

It is fascinating to see the landscape change from farms and corn fields to the swampy Mississippi River. And a beaver dam! Charming little brick towns in the middle of nowhere to Kansas City (which we just left now). As an aside, Lilah is reading through all the Oz books. Yesterday we learned all about cyclones at the science museum and today we rode through Dorothy's backyard on this train. By the end of this trip, with the Grand Canyon and all, we will have topped Lilah's impending second grade curriculum. Maybe she can test out and move on to third grade? ;-)

Dinner in the dining car was a blast. The tables have layers of paper and a cup with pens. Lilah asked if it was ok to draw on the table and the steward said "but of course!"  Yeah! So... We did. 

Kids menu offered hot dogs or Mac and cheese. I convinced Lilah that the tilapia and green beans was a much yummier choice. And she convinced me (no argument here) to substitute ranch dressing for the herby pesto sauce.

And we dined and drew and argued about "Croc Pox" - whether it's a disease or a fever hot enough to slow cook a meal. If there are alligators in that swamp? Lilah explained how beaver build their dams. We very slowly ate our desserts as we crossed over the Mississippi River. Then, we looked around to see we were the only ones left in the car!

After our rooms were converted for the night, and the kids had climbed up into their shelves... Umm... Beds... There was some concern that the bed was about six inches shorter than Alex... I explained how these rooms are actually considered to be a great luxury! Most people on this train are sleeping upright in airplane type seats. We can lie down. We have our own bathroom with shower. (Granted, you can't move your arms even to reach the toilet paper, but that also means you can't fall when the train rocks.) we have a sink and a box of tissues and, as Lilah noted, a door that locks. We also have an awesome room steward. She left a present for my mom - since this trip is to celebrate my mom's 75th birthday (she adores train travel). 

I tried to do some journal stuff, but the train shakes in 5 dimensions. I wanted to make a map to show our progress...

Maybe some of the states are recognizable? What's really cool is tracking it using the iPhone's Map App! Yes, it has a use!  When the kids ask "where are we?" I can say with all authority, "this is Galesville, Illinois. Oops, you missed it!"