My Birthday Week

If you haven't read my late-night, pre-Birthday rant, please take a look - it would mean SO much to me!

I did have a party and it was a lot of fun. It was interesting to note that none of the people that would consider themselves to be my closest or oldest friends, made it to the party. As for Family, my Mom and my daughter were there. On the other hand, I was pleasantly surprised and heartened by the folks who DID attend! Good food, chocolate, whiskey, and lots of laughter! Thanks everyone!
If you'd like to see photos, follow me on Facebook.

Although, seriously, if you want to see photos, you should follow my MOM on Facebook. Sheesh...

After an exhausting week - which included RE-doing my application for the McDowell Colony Residency, planning the party, packing for my vacation, lawyer emails, etc., and then WAY TOO MUCH DRIVING and chaos - I am, at this very moment... trying to relax and BE on vacation. Well... maybe after I write this blog post. THEN...

So... One week later...

I want to tell you about my Birthday Presents!

If you want to send me a present, or a card, or just insist that I don't look 50... I celebrate all month!
Send it/them here: PO Box 359, Warner, NH 03278.
Wink-wink.

Seriously, these are the Birthday Presents I gave myself in honor of (surviving) 50 years.
(Gold star stickers only go so far).

OK, here's what I wanted (in CAPS) and what I got...

1. FIND A TRIBE -- Midlife Redefine
I did a promo piece for Emily Clement a while back and I've worked with Emily as a Life Coach - she is so much fun and so inspiring! I was whining about how I wished I could continue working with her (private coaching is out of my budget right now), when she told me about a membership group she is starting later this month.

Yes! Life coaching AND instant friends!!! Dream come true!
If you are curious, look here:
www.emilyclementlifecoach.com/midliferedefine
And this is a video Emily made that gives you an excellent idea of what it's like to work with her, and some great ideas to get you started now:
https://youtu.be/5uPAfegkazk

2. MAKE A CHANGE -- Solar Panels
Yes! My very own power station was installed just before my Birthday. Still a lot of things I'd like to do to my house to make it energy efficient, but this is a start.

I got my panels from Granite State Solar through the Solarize Kearsarge program. There was funding available through VSECU (a VT credit union) and 2019 is the last year to take advantage of the awesome solar tax credit!

3. PLAY! -- Lego Ninjago City
I know what you're thinking!!
But, yes, I'm pretty sure this city will fit above my kitchen cabinets with the rest of my city.

There are still three other buildings that I don't have - Assembly Square, the Corner Garage, and the brand-new Treehouse! But I had been getting really nervous that this one would be discontinued soon - and I really need a "Chinatown" for my city! (Or Japantown). I don't care about "Ninjago" anything but OMG! - there's a COMIC BOOK STORE and a SUSHI BAR!!!! Yes, yes, YES!!

This one will take a LONG time to build, but I can't wait to start on it when I get home from Birthday present #4...

4. RUN AWAY! -- Ogunquit, Maine
I have been almost desperate for an escape!

And this is my Place. Although it got off to a rocky start, I am so grateful to be here.

My mom and daughter were here with me for a few days and my sister came down for a brunch party on my actual Birthday (Sept. 15th).

Now I have the whole treehouse to myself for a few days. And there is a huge table where I have all my comics laid out (no, I haven't done a dang thing yet!)

I've never been here when it's so crowded, but at night, the beach is quiet and beautiful.

And there are so many things to distract me and remind me that I really want to start doing watercolor paintings again (of Dragon Trees!)

If you want to see more pics of Maine, be sure to follow me on Facebook.

5. INDULGE -- Super soft cozy sweater

Well... it was 50% off! And it's SOOOOOO soft and fluffy!! Mmm!

6. CULTURE -- Ticket to "Kinky Boots"

In the 15 years I've been coming here, I've never seen a play at the Ogunquit Playhouse! Probably because it's usually closed (I come here off-season).

But Kinky Boots just opened yesterday- "score by Cyndi Lauper"!! - so I searched every performance on the days I'm here and found ONE single seat available on Sunday! Live theatre is expensive. But I am proud that I could find the last cheap ticket.

OK, that's enough presents for now. I'm hoping to get some sleep. Draw some comics. Talk to the ocean some more. Listen to its advice. Drink at least one more Chocolate-Caramel Martini by the fire pit - hopefully with someone cute to gaze at over the flames- otherwise I'll have to keep drinking until they ARE cute, and get some more definitive images in my mind of where I want to steer my Life next. I'm running everything through the "Hell-Yes!" and "Hell-No!" filters.
Stay tuned!

Happy Birthday! Happy Survivor Day?

"I'm not DEAD YET!" to quote Monty Python...

This Sunday is my 50th Birthday and I'm making a really big deal about it. A few people have thought it was weird in general that I even still celebrate birthdays. Or that it's strange to celebrate a birthday since we don't actually DO anything to deserve them - our Moms' should have parties, since they did all the work. Fair enough.

I've always thought of it as a celebration of having survived another year. Just as many folks party to welcome in the New Year - fresh and clean - I think of Birthdays as a way to mark the year like, "PHEW! That was close! But I made it!"

I feel the need to explain further.

Here's a comic I drew a few weeks ago (for a graphic novel I'm working on about mental health):

When I was about 11, doctors discovered I had an extremely rare tumor that they didn't know how to treat. It wasn't quite cancer, and yet, it was growing. (I learned many years later, that the growing mass had smashed all the bones in my orbital floor). I had a bunch of biopsies and tons of CT scans - but then I had to decide between two unlikely methods of treatment (see the comic above). I chose the experimental radiation. It was very new at this time and had way more CONS than PROS. But an Expiration Date of age 25 was still more than twice my age.

Despite being very sick during and after treatment, losing a lot of my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes (a nightmare in middle school), lots of vomiting and nosebleeds, and missing more than 30 days of school in one year... I still somehow managed to set some very high level expectations for myself. I didn't sit around waiting to die when I turned 25, but I also didn't ever imagine anything that might come after. I didn't imagine getting older. I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids - so I didn't imagine having a family. And in between bouts of depression, every illness that was sneezed at me (I'd lost my immune system), all kinds of weirdness in my body, and a constant fear of letting people down --- By the time I turned 25 --- I had traveled all over the world including Egypt (twice), Japan, England, Italy, Mexico..., I had had my photographs exhibited in galleries, attended Philadelphia College of Art, Brown University, the School of Visual Arts, and Rhode Island School of Design. I'd worked as a cartoonist and an exhibit designer at the Children's Museum of RI, and I was working towards getting my kids' books published. I was also married and had my own home.

And then, I turned 25 and... nothing happened.

Well, that's not true, there were always crazy things happening. But I didn't die. Instead, my beloved cat, Gustas Silvertip, who I'd had since I was 8... HE got the same tumor that I'd had! In a very similar location. The vet was able to remove some of it and he lived a few more years. In fact, he died just a few months before my son was born - Gusty was more than 20 years old!

A watercolor I painted of Gusty, sometime in the late 1980's.

What happens when you survive?
Yes, I was happy to be alive! And I had a really cool (weird) kid! But I was walking through completely blank pages. I'd never imagined being 30! Then 35!? Then I decided I had one more kid to bring into the world, to defy the doctors... who no longer cared about my miraculousness. (Or perhaps, they were dead? They'd seemed pretty old when I was a kid).

So I just kept on pushing myself as I always had. Maybe even harder because I had no idea this time how long I would have. I started and sold a rubber stamp company, painted furniture, learned stained glass, PMC, got certified in a strange new drawing method called Zentangle, got books published, started a store, traveled to Germany, France, the Middle East..., got divorced, started over, went back to school for my Masters, started over, again...

And all this time, I was being diagnosed with new tumors in different locations. More surgeries. More healing. And each time, I wondered, "Is this the real deadline? It can't be, I'm not finished with all the new projects." And I pushed myself harder.

This past winter was one of the worst of the tumors. It was really unexpected and I'd been working so hard on getting in shape and finding a new relationship. It just seemed so incredibly unfair. Everything is worse when you think it's unfair! The surgery was awful and painful and the recovery took months and was awful and painful. And everything was unfair.

But... I didn't die. I'm still here. And the oldest of my kids-that-I-never imagined graduated from college this spring and is now a teacher. My youngest is in 7th grade and she sings and draws and writes. These two are probably my greatest achievements. And yes, I'm taking credit!! I created two amazing people who were not "supposed" to exist. And I was not "supposed" to still exist.

Now I am 25 years past my Expiration Date. I have used every damned extra year I've been given and every superpower I have (from the radiation?) to try and justify my continued existence. I have dealt with every insane medical, legal, and financial nightmare that's been thrown at me. And I have started over and over and over.

I'm so exhausted.

And I want a party.
I deserve a party.

So now you know.

And yes, I want chocolate, and whiskey, and Legos, and a couple of calm weeks in Ogunquit, but what I want the MOST for my 50th Birthday gift, is another 25 years.

Fun things I'm working on! (And you can Buy!)

It's NOT all about GOrillas you know! I've been working on a whole bunch of things this fall and I'd like to show you some of them now.

The Demons from We Will Never Leave You have been up to all kinds of things besides my Christmas Card. I've started thinking of ideas for a sequel as well. I made a tiny "zine" of the Demons and I'm looking into making a tiny Teachables class with it. I'm planning out Demons Trading Cards.
I made cool pins (buttons)...

and I just created this Introvert Demon Sweatshirt...

Introvert Demon Sweatshirt
by BumbleBat

And this is the back of the sweatshirt...

It's very soft and cozy - perfect for hiding out. I got an XL so I could disappear completely (they're available up to 3X). They sell for $50, but Zazzle often has excellent coupons that make it a no-brainer.

I created THIS t-shirt for my daughter so she wouldn't have to keep repeating herself...

"Go AWAY so I can READ" T-shirt
by BumbleBat

If she doesn't want to be that specific about WHY we should go away, she can cross her arms across her chest, like a teenager. Just, "Go Away."

And she created this design of Creature, the Cat, being Moody...

Creature Cat Baseball Tee
by BumbleBat

and this is the back...

Maybe you remember my daily comic collection, QUO VADIS? (That means "Where are you going?") I created that comic as part of my Thesis - I drew a cartoon or sketch every day for a year.

But the published edition (which sold out!) only included 7 months, since I had to publish what I had drawn so far for the thesis committee. BUT - I kept drawing cartoons every day until the end of July - one complete year! I'm working on revising and republishing QUO VADIS to include the entire year. I will probably do a Kickstarter to presell the comics. Stay tuned!

But the partner project to QUO VADIS is the ARTgenda - which is a "Planner - Sketchbook - Journal." The calendar comics are so-called since I drew them in a weekly formatted calendar. It worked well in that it kept me moving - don't miss a day! - but there were a number of things I did not like about it. The paper was really thin, Saturday and Sunday were smaller boxes, I had to start on the date the calendar started, etc.

So, just in time for the New Year... I redesigned it all and created my own... the ARTgenda. I printed them through BLURB (an on-demand printing company) and they look and feel really nice!

"The perfect planner, sketchbook, and journal for creative people. Can be used as a weekly calendar too. Perfect for doing a "drawing a day" challenges or keeping track of books read, Zentangle® patterns- anything! Features 4 intro pages with ideas and suggestions for use. 52 undated, weekly spreads - with 8 days each. Weekends are just as important as Weekdays!"

It has 120 - 8"x10"pages.

You can order them directly from BLURB - especially good if you want to get a quantity discount or use a BLURB promo code, or if you live outside the US.

If you are in the US, you can also order them (not with a discount) from my Etsy store, Bumblebat.
As always, I throw in some fun goodies. :-)

Lastly - if you'd like to see (most of) the calendar comics I drew, you can see them on my Patreon page.

Hi. I'm Sandy. And I'm a Pessimist.

I don't actually think that's true. I think a Pessimist is someone who always assumes everything will go wrong.

I assume things will be fine... and then... they always go wrong.

At the very least, that's an Optimistic-Pessimist, right?

The Optimist says: "Hey, I finally drew a comic! Yeah!"

The Optimistic-Pessimist is saying: "Hello? Can anyone hear me? There must be someone who can help!?"

The Pessimist: "I'm cracking. These aren't the Cracks-That-Let-In-The-Light. These are the ones where parts of you fall off."

A Quick Visit to the Graveyard

I promised her I'd come back to visit with my daughter...

We have always celebrated my Grandmother's Birthday in the graveyard, with chocolate cake, but this year I went alone. I brought cake. But it didn't taste as good. I felt so sad. For the first time.
I always feel sad and miss Gramma like crazy, but this was that disappearing kind of sad. I believe that, when someone's Story ceases to be told - they disappear.

I sat on her grave (it's a bench), licking chocolate frosting off my fingers, and realized that she was the only family I still had, in Warner, that I could visit. Maybe that's why I feel so "dis-appear-y" too?

Last year, I went sort-of-alone. The Fireman came with me at the last minute. But that made me start thinking about how I needed to write a story about my Gramma so she doesn't really disappear. I made notes... and one year later, I've done nothing. I can remember sitting at the drafting table in my new studio, at the Community Arts Center, writing and sketching - as if it were yesterday. And here I am ONE YEAR LATER.

To torture myself, I searched back through Facebook and this blog to find all the posts I'd written about our celebrations in the Graveyard - and they are mostly joyous occasions. And I also realized - it's been TEN YEARS of parties!

To make myself feel better and so she is not forgotten - at least - not this year - here is a retrospective of the past ten years. With links to the original posts. And with quotes. And my favorite pictures from that party...

2009 - Goodbye

My Grandma Magda died yesterday.

I am glad that I took her to California to visit my brother. I'm glad I took her to Arizona to visit her best friend. I wish I had forced her to go to Estonia to see her family again. It's so ironic - she was afraid she might die there and have to be shipped "home". That was ten years ago.

2010 - A Grave Situation

...I mean, she was buried in a tote bag for goodness sakes...

And on others [in the Montparnasse Cemetery in Paris], there were small piles of rocks. I suppose it is a way of saying, "I was here and I miss you."

My grandmother shares her headstone with her mother-in-law, Jenni, her husband, Johannes, and her baby daughter, Merike. Jenni and John are actually buried somewhere on Long Island and Merike had been in a mass grave in Germany. But she was... "removed"... when a large highway was built. It's nice to have them all together again in Warner, even if it is only in name.

2010 - Good Times in the Graveyard  - [How it began]

[The bear would] dream about a lady with lovely smooth, pink skin, mischievous blue eyes surrounded by laugh lines, and the heart of a bear. And for that minute, the bear would wonder 'Am I a woman dreaming of being a bear, or a bear dreaming that I am a woman?' And my Grandmother would look down from where she is watching and have a good laugh.

2011 - Graveyard Bash

On my Grandmother's Birthday, we marched off to the cemetery for a little visit and some cake. Of all the holidays and traditions that families can follow or create, this has become one of our favorites. So, welcome to our Second Annual Grandma Magda's Birthday Celebration.

My mom, sits on HER mom.

Lilah, sits on HER mom... me! 

2013 - Graveyards, Bugs and ... Whoopie Pies. 
[this one has MAGGOTS!]

And just to prove that I have perfectly normal kids... Alex teased Lilah about who-knows-what and she proceeded to pelt him with the bag of dirt. Alex enjoyed it immensely. Ok, maybe they aren't normal.
2014 - Happy 100!  [One of my favorites!]

But, alas, Alex is the Gramma... er... grammar... police in any language. Especially chocolate.

But he is also an excellent big brother. He spells correctly, but he let his sister have the last Kiss.

2015 - Happy 101th!

Gramma Magda was an amazing lady who once rescued her mother-in-law from a concentration camp. 

Show of hands... how many of us would do that? 

Exactly.
2017

Happy Birthday Gramma Magda. I miss you so much. The chocolate cake is very yummy, but celebrating your birthday alone this year made me miss ya so much more. 

But... I also started getting an idea for a graphic novel...

2018

Happy Birthday Gramma Magda. Vanaema. I miss you so much.

This is the first time I have celebrated her birthday completely on my own. 

I didn’t even have to share the chocolate cake. 

I would have preferred to share the cake.

Mauled by Pugs

My plan was to write a post that caught you all up with everything I've been working on and my recent adventures... but I've been whining a lot lately about how I really want to start drawing comics again... something like "Oh! That would make a great comic!? I really have to start drawing again!"

So, I started drawing yesterday's adventure to Rhode Island and I kept drawing. And drawing. And I forgot to eat dinner. And I drew... and now it's Tomorrow and the Adventures were TWO days ago!? But I did finally finish a comic!

I hope you enjoy it!

The Middlebury Diary, Part 2

I updated the first blog post with the photos, so take a look at that one HERE.

Saturday was the BIG event! The Non-fiction Comics Mini-Fest at the Vermont Folklife Center in Middlebury, VT. I was surrounded by amazing cartoonists!

Marek Bennett (in the hat) was responsible for telling me (MANY years ago) that there was a little school in Vermont devoted to teaching comic creation, and I should go there... Steve Bissette, in the center, was one of my favorite teachers there (at the Center for Cartoon Studies), and Andy Kolovos, on the right, invited me to the Vermont Folklife Center for the mini-fest!

Steve signing his new dinosaur books...

Isaac Cates - oy! If you haven't seen the Cartozia series, they are AMAZING! Literally, some have mazes. And maps. a whole mess of amazing cartoonists creating a round robin type of comic - working off each others characters and story lines.

To the right of Isaac is Dana Walrath. She was a visiting artist at the cartoon school and is known for her book "Aliceheimer's: Alzheimers Through the Looking Glass".

Seated is Joel Christian Gill who was also a visiting artist at the cartoon school. He creates a comic of "Uncelebrated Narratives from Black History" called "Strange Fruit".

Sarah Rosedahl (left) is ALL about chicken comics - comics ABOUT chickens... not FOR chickens. "What the Cluck?" love the title! And Stefanie Zuppo (right) - juggling comics, The Ladybroad Ledger comics newspaper, AND a new collaborative art studio in Essex Junction, Words and Pictures. Whoa. Superhero.

Robert Waldo Brunelle Jr. - his comics Explain it All!

Below: Kevin Kite (left) was my tablemate - he does science comics with very cute characters.  And Gregory Giordano - with the cool mustache - who created the Vermont Comic Creators group (I'm a member!)

Not pictured, but also awesome, is Bryan Stone - who has been emailing me advice on how my daughter can get started in the world of Dungeons and Dragons! It was fun to finally meet in person.

Oh yeh, and then there was ME! Yes - I know I look a little... perplexed...
I brought my dummy for the picture book I just finished, "Ready, Set, Gorilla!" and the new science comics - also JUST finished.

Photo by Robert Waldo Brunelle Jr. 

I want to take this house home with me!! It’s so quirky - looks like the house of a cartoonist, right? Or a tiny house for the Addams Family. One of the best parts of driving through these Vermont towns is seeing the amazing houses! I would never be able to choose just one.

As you can imagine - my brain was fried. By Sunday morning, the social hangover was kicking in hard! I slept through 8 alarm snoozes and decided to go "walk it off" at The Montshire Museum of Science.

It was nice and quiet there until later in the afternoon when folks realized that 90 degree weather is the perfect reason to take advantage of the science waterpark. I walked out to the other water features...

I’d walk for a while, then sit and “think”. I usually do this by the ocean, but this waterfall had to do the job. And then a lake... I’d think of a subject that was giving me trouble, and ask for a sign. The Studio? Money? The Fireman? Etc. I had no answers, but I was feeling a lot calmer than I had in...months.

I was deep in the forest when my phone buzzed - with a text from The Fireman. Seriously? Does that count as a sign? What does it mean?

I turned my phone off. And kept walking.

I had my lunch under a tree and when I couldn't put it off any longer... I finally drove home.

Minou let me know that she had been very well taken care of by Laurie - and I admit - for a minute or two - I thought about getting back in my car, and returning to Vermont!